What is Love?

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Love…

It is an easy thing, complicated only by us…

It is laughter or a simple touch; it’s a smile, it’s friendship, it’s there through the rough.

It’s me dancing by myself to the melody in my head (cause I totally do!), or you singing in the shower right before bed.

It is invisible and visible. it need not be defined. it is an energy that exists, regardless of space, and regardless of time…

^ Props: The above was a post by my good friend Ronda Suder today and I couldn’t help but share it. Hope it warms your heart like it did mine 🙂

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The Art of Being Wrong

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I love being wrong. There is nothing better than being wrong. In fact, it is often far preferable to be wrong than right. This may sound like a strange thing (especially for me!) to say, but hang in there with me and you might make this your mantra too.

Because you learn more when you’re wrong. And the more wrong you’re willing to be, the more right you’ll eventually become. But, unfortunately, many people struggle with admitting when they’re wrong. Others quite simply will never do it. In other cases, sometimes even with very successful people, situations change or new information becomes available yet they will almost stubbornly ignore it or reject it.

One other common reason people have issues admitting they’re wrong is because they take criticism and feedback too personally. If a person tells them, “you did that badly,” what the recipient hears instead is, “I am bad.” And that leads to an emotional spiral. And so rather than listen, many people react. Instead of learning, many people defend. This is so prevalent that it’s one of the key principles in Robert Cialdini’s classic book Influence. It’s called “Commitment and Consistency”. Once people make up their minds, they tend not to change them – even in the face of facts to the contrary. This leads to a Fixed Mindset, as opposed to a Growth Mindset.

One of the qualities of a person of substance is admitting you’re wrong when you’re wrong. That is what secure people do. One might think this idea does not apply to people who’ve achieved a level of mastery. That is not true: the better you are at something, the more paying attention to good feedback will allow you to make an adjustment that will have a powerful effect on what you’re doing. I make a similar case in sales training – that in order to learn rapidly, you have to increase your failure rate. Get beaten up, bruised and bloodied as fast as you can.

In life there is no failure, only feedback – this is one of the most powerful truths I have ever learned.

In order to admit when you’re wrong, you need to know when you’re wrong. And this requires a secondary skill you must cultivate. It’s called good judgment. Because sometimes you ARE right and everyone around you really is wrong. As Arthur Schopenhauer put it, “Talent is like a marksman who hits a target which others cannot reach; genius is like a marksman who hits a target which others cannot see.”

Bottom line: Those who are never wrong are rarely right.

^ Props: I adapted some of the above from an email I got from Neil Strauss. He’s one of my favorite authors and you should definitely follow him if you don’t already.

10 Things People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently

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Paul Hudson has a fantastic article in Elite Daily. Enjoy!

Surprise, surprise… happy people live their lives differently. They don’t have different lives. They just do a better job at living them than those who are unhappy.

Happiness is the result of subjective interpretation of perception. Of course, what we perceive isn’t always done so by choice — life does throw things our way.

However, most of the time, we find ourselves in the situations we are in because of actions we took and decisions we made. It’s the way that you live your life that largely decides whether or not you will live happily.

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1. They don’t bother trying to make others like them — mainly because they don’t care if they’re liked.

They like themselves and they are the only people they ever answer to. You could like them. You could hate them. You could pay them no mind whatsoever — doesn’t make a difference to them.

They do what they do because they decided to do it. They aren’t trying to gain your approval or acceptance. They don’t want to be part of your team — they’re a team of their own. They live their lives the way they see fit and if you like them for it, great. If not… then so be it.

2. They do things because they want to do them, not because they believe they have to do them.

They don’t believe they have to do anything. Other than pay taxes and die of course — everything else is a decision followed by deliberate action. If they are doing something, going somewhere, participating in something, it’s because that is exactly what it is that they want to be doing.

No one coerced them or tricked them into doing it because they value their opinion above everyone else’s. They do what they believe is right and don’t bother to ask for permission — they just do it.

3. They love their friends but don’t rely on them.

Friends are tricky because they aren’t really yours, are they? You don’t own them. They are their own people who have their own wants and needs — people who will always put themselves ahead of you and your goals. Friends are great to have, but relying on them too heavily will leave you disappointed.

Those who live happy lives have very close friends, but they keep their independence in order to avoid those moments. It’s the lack of independence and over-reliance that often comes to ruin friendships — all relationships for that matter.

4. When you ask them what they do, they don’t give you a job title.

They tell you about the things they are doing with their lives — the places they have visited and are planning on visiting. The projects they are starting or part of. The problems they are working towards solving and the communities they are working with to get those problems solved.

When you ask them what they do, they respond with what they do in their lives, not what work they do in order to pay for the lives they want to one day be living. The real trick is that these individuals know better than to wait to live the lives they want to live. You live life whether you accept or ignore the fact, how you live it in the moment determines how happy you are.

5. When you ask them where they live, they say, “At the moment…”

Happy people tend to move around a bit. Maybe it’s because traveling does the soul good. Maybe it’s because the stagnancy of staying in one place their whole lives bores them.

Maybe it’s because they love meeting new people and having new experiences. Maybe it’s because they haven’t found the right place to settle down just yet. You see, these individuals see the world as their home — no single country or city. If you ask them where they live, then they’d answer “earth” if they wouldn’t come off sounding highfalutin.

6. They have their own philosophies, their own religion they created and live by.

You don’t need a book to tell you how you ought to live your life. You can live your life by whatever philosophy you wish — as long as you found truths that satisfy you. They have a strong grasp of right and wrong and are their own judges.

7. They embrace their impermanence.

They know they’re only mortal — having this knowledge and accepting it fuels their every step. You will too. Why? Because it is inevitable. There is no way of avoiding it, only dealing with the fact.

The happiest of people don’t fear death. They don’t do their best to avoid it. They see it as the inevitability that it is in and live their lives by their terms. They may not be able to control death, but they know they sure as hell can control their own personal lives.

8. They see the world as their playhouse and their mind as the conductor.

They don’t believe there is a single way that the world is — a single reality that exists. Instead, they believe themselves to be the originators of their reality.

They believe they have full control over how they interpret what they perceive. They see the world the way they choose to see it because they understand the power such a skill has. We all live in a reality of our own construction. Some of us just construct our realities better than others.

9. They live in the moment, but dream in the future.

Happy people have hopes, dreams and goals. They have wants and aspirations, but they don’t allow themselves to get caught up and lost in them. There isn’t so much a time and place for dreaming as there is a maximum allotted amount recommended.

You can’t live life doing nothing more than looking towards the future because you’ll miss the only time that things actually matter or exist: the present. The present, the immediate moment is the only moment that you can actually live in. The rest is only an illusion.

10. They don’t bother changing others, but instead learn how to deal with them appropriately.

Devoting your energy to changing other people is a waste of it. People do change, but they only do so on their own accord. They have to decide to change themselves and that only happens in time — you can’t push and force because it doesn’t work.

On the contrary, it often does the opposite of what is intended. Instead of wasting time and energy trying to do the impossible, why not do the next best thing? Learn to deal with people as they are in order to get the result you desire. If you can’t change them, then guide them to do as you wish. Otherwise, let them go.

How To Fail At Texting

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So a friend of mine recently got a ticket for speeding. When she showed up for her court date, the bailiff turned out to be this guy she had gone to High School with. They recognized each other and exchanged a greeting. He whispered something to the magistrate and her ticket was dismissed.

After thanking him profusely, he asked for her number and said “Let’s get together some time.” This is what followed:

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#FAIL

“No Poo” Shampoo Free Diet

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My dear friend Shelley T from “The Ham” as we call Birmingham down here has published a shocking (to me) expose on her now one month long journey of NOT washing her hair.

Read it here:

No Poo, Shampoo Free Diet: better for YOU, your wallet, animals as test subjects, and the environment.

Shelley and I have known each other for over 9 years and I have to say I was more shocked that this came from HER than I am even with the content itself.

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You see, Shelley was a model as a teenager and has been in the “beauty” industry for years. I’ve known her to drop a pretty penny on cremes, shampoos, treatments, masques, and whatever else people drop their dimes on these days. To see her go through this journey is absolutely astounding to me and it’s fun to watch the progress.

I might even try it myself 😉

Thoughts? Anyone interested in doing this for a month? Hollaback in the comments as usual and let me know.

Easy E Rides East

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After a ridiculously long time on the road, I’m about to head back to Bama. I’m going to be riding my motorcycle back (finally!) so I decided to take the scenic route and take my time.

I’ll be posting up tweets and Instagrams so follow me @DCOffline on both platforms.

Here are the routes I’ll be taking:

 
Today – Austin > Houston: https://goo.gl/maps/LX38f
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Friday – Houston > NOLA: https://goo.gl/maps/7hGiz
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Saturday – NOLA > BHam: https://goo.gl/maps/mVvnC

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Would love to hear from all of you during my trip! Send some biker prayers up for me for a safe trip.

Mark Twain’s Top 9 Life Tips

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You may know Mark Twain for some of his very popular books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was a writer and also a humorist, satirist and lecturer. Twain’s life was the thing of legend. Here are his top 9 tips for squeezing the very best out of your life:

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1. APPROVE OF YOURSELF.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want. This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there. What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting. Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you. So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.

2. YOUR LIMITATIONS MAY JUST BE IN YOUR MIND.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think. And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself. If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life. It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.

3. LIGHTEN UP AND HAVE SOME FUN.

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere. And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.

4. LET GO OF ANGER.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at. So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.

5. RELEASE YOURSELF FROM ENTITLEMENT.

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first.” When you are young your mom and dad may give a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something. This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something. You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.

6. IF YOU’RE TAKING A DIFFERENT PATH, PREPARE FOR REACTIONS.

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.” I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement. If you start to change or do something different than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways. Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and his/her life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgements they make. And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon. So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind. You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks.  They might just go: “OK”.

7. KEEP YOUR FOCUS STEADILY ON WHAT YOU WANT.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else. It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.

8. DON’T FOCUS SO MUCH ON MAKING YOURSELF FEEL GOOD.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But as I wrote yesterday, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way. This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other. Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.

9. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life. Credits: Written by HENRIK EDBERG of www.positivityblog.com, where this was originally featured.